Tag Archives: loss

My Mental Health Journey: Dear Love

Who knew the day I met you, you’d come to mean so much. Now I have to spend more time missing you; than the amount of time I’ve known you.

It’s not fair.

I know you’d shrug and say, “Life’s not fair.”

I cried for you today. I saw a picture; your precious face.. And I died again. I listen to songs and struggle to keep myself together.. for the measly two and a half or three minutes.. To reach the ending.

Oh love, I miss you so much. I know you’re here, though. I feel you in the warm gust of sudden afternoon breeze. I see you in the most glorious clouds. I see you in feathers and other ways.

God made my heart love you; no matter what we’ve been through. I think we both knew it. Something God has in store for me, kept me from you. Maybe it’s knowing your babies now could use a little female guidance. Obviously, I’d never take the place of their mom; but, I do cherish them all.. As if life has brought them to me.. To love.

As my tears flood my eyes, I miss you with every piece of I am. I’m so thankful to have met you, loved you, and now miss you. Lead me and watch over me.

My heart will be yours always!


Nova Namastè

Eight Years in a Single Blink

Taken December 2013

Dave is a subject of frequent conversation here at my house. His daughter, my Zivah, deserves to know the details of her wonderful dad. I wish she remembered more. I wish he would have stayed alive. It was she, who lives with the greatest loss.

The “S” word is nearly taboo. It shouldn’t be; though, because it’s undeniably real. Social media frowns upon the use of the word. The government literally destroys all that the mind tries to shield against it.

Regardless, this loss leaves many individuals with this tremendous grief. This type of grief is called Disenfranchised Grief. In The Mind’s Journal, it is defined as

Disenfranchised grief is the term first coined by Dr. Kenneth Doka in the 1980s. The grief and loss expert defined the term in his book Disenfranchised grief: recognizing hidden sorrow as “the grief that persons experience when they incur a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, or socially supported.”

The Mind’s Journal

Personally, I hadn’t ever heard of such a term. Similarly, I wasn’t aware of any circumstances that are classified as such. If you’re interested, here are a few sites that will be insightful.

  1. The Mind’s Journal
  2. WebMD
  3. The StepMom Project
  4. Not So Mommy
  5. Choosing Therapy

It might even sound like this!

Always remember, what you feel is valid. It’s your reality. No one can make it less anything, for you. No one can fix any of it for you.

You work through it, by means of therapy, meditation, exercise, and acceptance should come.

Be gentle with yourself.

It’s been a lengthy process, for me.

I am expecting it to last forever.

With Love and Light,


Haynes Family Adventure

Some days are harder than others.

Loss is really hard. Even the strongest of us, us moms, struggle a bit when a piece of us is missing.

Today, a little over a week since I found out he passed, my daughters and I revisited the park he and I went to. It was difficult. My eyes would glance off into some awkward direction; and, he’d be there. It really does feel like a big chunk of myself is gone.

Today wasn’t as bad as previous day, though. Healing is happening.. slowly. My daughters had fun. This was day 3 in a row, at the playground… so they were tired.

I’m always transparent with you readers because you have to know I go through life similarly to you.

Thank you for giving me some of your time!

Happy Weekend!

Stay Safe, Speak Life, and Spread Kindness!


The Price for Loving is Loss💔

Taken from her Grandson, Matt’s InstaStory

Words seem so feeble

in moments like these.

Life is so precious,

and death such a thief.

The depths of your pain

I cannot comprehend,

but I’ll stand alongside you

in the darkness, my friend.

Love is a bond

that death cannot part.

Gone from your arms,

but still held in your heart.

By John Mark Green

Sweet Grandma GB,

I’ve cried all sorts of tears with you, these past 24 months. None have felt so heavy with despair, than these ones right now, .. these that I’m crying alone. You changed so many lives. You saved so many souls. You were light and a complete joy to everyone on TikTok! I know my heart is so very sad. I never wanted this day to come. May you dance in all your badassery on those golden streets. Wear your very favorite pair of shades.

I love you GB,


Company among the Dead

She couldn’t catch her breath.

“This is what a panic attack feels like!” her mind echoed in her silence.

All the noises around her; but, she couldn’t hear.

Only the presence of her outraged core had her attention.

Not a single person held space with empathy.

Very few extended condolences, cold, shallow and obligatory of course.

She was outragged. All the judgemental eyes looked in her direction.

He didn’t want her there. It wasn’t “their” kind of place! She felt that, every single minute that passed.

Even after life, he spoke right to her truth.

The service started. She hid in the back, afraid she’d make a scene she couldn’t take back.

Mumbled and muffled, the Pastor was saying things… But she didn’t listen.

She couldn’t hear past the anger she carried!

Then, in a few slip seconds, she heard

“He was a brother and a Son”.

And she snapped! It took every fiber of her being

From interrupting everyone’s “grieving”… And speak her damn mind.

She knew the baby needed more of her though.

She knew they hurt… And she was hurt.

She knew she didn’t HAVE to stay.

She knew no one would care if she left.

So she gathered her things, said her goodbyes,

And left.

Whispers and shit circled the rumor mill..

But she didn’t care. The ONLY person that mattered was 18 months old.


What hallowed the hearts of people that day wasn’t grief… It was guilt. When we don’t understand, and it creates pain…

We carelessly search for someone to blame.

Compassion is a thing… Good throughout every year. Let’s use it often as possible. We never know what one is going through.

Until next time,

Nova Namastè

Synchronized Hearts

Suddenly, she jostled out of the crowded room. Her chest had a sharp piercing of unbearable pain.

Honestly, she thought she was dying!

Forty five seconds later, all of her torture stopped. It disappeared as quickly as it arrived.

She didn’t understand it; she wasn’t sure she really wanted to.

Following a few minutes of hydrating her system, she worked her way back to the front of room.

Little did she know, at the exact moment her chest struggled to rise, her twin sister took her last breath.

The wind was howling; the roads covered with slippery wet leaves. It was a typical September Autumn night.

Andrèã was returning from a wedding she was hired to photograph. It was late, she hadn’t slept much sleep the last 24 hours.

Twenty minutes from home, she hits an area of the road notorious for high water. As she sat, attempting to move forward, then reverse…

In what felt like an eternity, she panicked as squinted to look out her window. The Mustang was racing, high beams nearly blinding her in an instant. Closer and closer it came. She screamed; but, to no avail.

The following week was a horrid nightmare for this family. They struggled with all parts of afterlife responsibilities.

Andrèã deserved the best funeral. Her mother couldn’t accept to have anything but top knotch. The expenses; though, were just too much. They weren’t poor; but, they weren’t well off either.

The driver? Well, he suffered minor cuts and bruses, but was released from the hospital the same night. He had yet to learn the Andrèã fate; therefore, he continued to walk in this superior righteousness.

His brother picked him up at the hospital. They were quiet on the way home. It wasn’t until they walked through the foyar, then front door, that he felt this heaviness got him.

He faced his parents, dreading the arura in the room.

“Sit down Dominic,” Dad firmly demanded,”We have something serious we need to discuss.”

Notes from the Author:

I recall my days in driving classes. I was scared to death that I was going to kill someone. I barely passed the driving portion of the class. When I was taken driving, I was just as paranoid! My mother lacked patience with me. I was in a great deal of trouble simply because I failed the permit test my first time.

Driving is a huge responsibility! We HAVE to remember that every other person behind the wheel is a brother, sister, niece, cousin, daughter, grandson… A. Loved. One. To. Somebody!

Their life isn’t ours to take because of our irresponsible choice.

With Love and Light

Nova Namastè

[Audio]Love, Loss, & Letting Go

Any and all feedback will be appreciated!
Thank you so much for listening!

Let’s Talk About Love

Celine Dion

Everywhere I go, all the places that I’ve been
Every smile’s a new horizon on a land I’ve never seen
There are people around the world, different faces different names
But there’s one true emotion that reminds me we’re the same
Let’s talk about loveFrom the laughter of a child to the tears of a grown man
There’s a thread that runs right through us and helps us understand
As subtle as a breeze that fans a flicker to a flame
From the very first sweet melody to the very last refrainLet’s talk about love
Let’s talk about lust
Let’s talk about life
Let’s talk about trust
Let’s talk about loveIt’s the king of all who live and the queen of all good hearts
It’s the ace you may keep up your sleeve ’til the name is all but lost
As deep as any sea with the rage of any storm
But as gentle as a falling leaf on any autumn morn.

Nova ❤️


The trauma was like lidocaine;

Numbed the feeling of pain.

She walked through the motions,

Without expectations and notion,

To be happy again, or the

Belief this nightmare will end.

One foot followed the other,

One day after another.

Then it happened,

The pain felt less,

She had less mess.

She decided to go out,

Walk out and about.

She met a few friends,

And felt interested again.

Healing process takes time,

Most of all, for the mind.

Dainty by Day, Nightmare by Night.

Photo Credit: Roger Mosley Pixabay

She smiles..

And the sweetest of laughs passed through her lips.

Beauty, strength, and wisdom, she wore every

with elegance and grace.

Mingling among her company, she best

exemplifies the power of the mind.

When she found herself isolated, and the night

greeted her,

Her inner storm grew with dangerous fury.

The depth of her pain was inconceivable,

Nights she laid awake, fetal position and

sobbing with anguish.

Frustrated by the betrayal, she hid nothing of her


When the grief diminished, rage set in and the

darkness of her soul ate the exquisite feast.

Written for The Haunted Wordsmith’s The Daily Writing Challenge.