Who knew the day I met you, you’d come to mean so much. Now I have to spend more time missing you; than the amount of time I’ve known you.
It’s not fair.
I know you’d shrug and say, “Life’s not fair.”
I cried for you today. I saw a picture; your precious face.. And I died again. I listen to songs and struggle to keep myself together.. for the measly two and a half or three minutes.. To reach the ending.
Oh love, I miss you so much. I know you’re here, though. I feel you in the warm gust of sudden afternoon breeze. I see you in the most glorious clouds. I see you in feathers and other ways.
God made my heart love you; no matter what we’ve been through. I think we both knew it. Something God has in store for me, kept me from you. Maybe it’s knowing your babies now could use a little female guidance. Obviously, I’d never take the place of their mom; but, I do cherish them all.. As if life has brought them to me.. To love.
As my tears flood my eyes, I miss you with every piece of I am. I’m so thankful to have met you, loved you, and now miss you. Lead me and watch over me.
Dave is a subject of frequent conversation here at my house. His daughter, my Zivah, deserves to know the details of her wonderful dad. I wish she remembered more. I wish he would have stayed alive. It was she, who lives with the greatest loss.
The “S” word is nearly taboo. It shouldn’t be; though, because it’s undeniably real. Social media frowns upon the use of the word. The government literally destroys all that the mind tries to shield against it.
Regardless, this loss leaves many individuals with this tremendous grief. This type of grief is called Disenfranchised Grief. In The Mind’s Journal, it is defined as
Disenfranchised grief is the term first coined by Dr. Kenneth Doka in the 1980s. The grief and loss expert defined the term in his book Disenfranchised grief: recognizing hidden sorrow as “the grief that persons experience when they incur a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, or socially supported.”
Loss is really hard. Even the strongest of us, us moms, struggle a bit when a piece of us is missing.
Today, a little over a week since I found out he passed, my daughters and I revisited the park he and I went to. It was difficult. My eyes would glance off into some awkward direction; and, he’d be there. It really does feel like a big chunk of myself is gone.
Today wasn’t as bad as previous day, though. Healing is happening.. slowly. My daughters had fun. This was day 3 in a row, at the playground… so they were tired.
I’m always transparent with you readers because you have to know I go through life similarly to you.
I’ve cried all sorts of tears with you, these past 24 months. None have felt so heavy with despair, than these ones right now, .. these that I’m crying alone. You changed so many lives. You saved so many souls. You were light and a complete joy to everyone on TikTok! I know my heart is so very sad. I never wanted this day to come. May you dance in all your badassery on those golden streets. Wear your very favorite pair of shades.
I know someone needs to hear this. I feel this coming to me, as if someone is feeling it. The stronger the feeling, I usually sense another’s experience. I have had my own losses; but, this is something much deeper.
Please let yourself feel all of this, in all the validity that you have.
Suddenly, she jostled out of the crowded room. Her chest had a sharp piercing of unbearable pain.
Honestly, she thought she was dying!
Forty five seconds later, all of her torture stopped. It disappeared as quickly as it arrived.
She didn’t understand it; she wasn’t sure she really wanted to.
Following a few minutes of hydrating her system, she worked her way back to the front of room.
Little did she know, at the exact moment her chest struggled to rise, her twin sister took her last breath.
The wind was howling; the roads covered with slippery wet leaves. It was a typical September Autumn night.
Andrèã was returning from a wedding she was hired to photograph. It was late, she hadn’t slept much sleep the last 24 hours.
Twenty minutes from home, she hits an area of the road notorious for high water. As she sat, attempting to move forward, then reverse…
In what felt like an eternity, she panicked as squinted to look out her window. The Mustang was racing, high beams nearly blinding her in an instant. Closer and closer it came. She screamed; but, to no avail.
The following week was a horrid nightmare for this family. They struggled with all parts of afterlife responsibilities.
Andrèã deserved the best funeral. Her mother couldn’t accept to have anything but top knotch. The expenses; though, were just too much. They weren’t poor; but, they weren’t well off either.
The driver? Well, he suffered minor cuts and bruses, but was released from the hospital the same night. He had yet to learn the Andrèã fate; therefore, he continued to walk in this superior righteousness.
His brother picked him up at the hospital. They were quiet on the way home. It wasn’t until they walked through the foyar, then front door, that he felt this heaviness got him.
He faced his parents, dreading the arura in the room.
“Sit down Dominic,” Dad firmly demanded,”We have something serious we need to discuss.”
Notes from the Author:
I recall my days in driving classes. I was scared to death that I was going to kill someone. I barely passed the driving portion of the class. When I was taken driving, I was just as paranoid! My mother lacked patience with me. I was in a great deal of trouble simply because I failed the permit test my first time.
Driving is a huge responsibility! We HAVE to remember that every other person behind the wheel is a brother, sister, niece, cousin, daughter, grandson… A. Loved. One. To. Somebody!
Their life isn’t ours to take because of our irresponsible choice.
Everywhere I go, all the places that I’ve been Every smile’s a new horizon on a land I’ve never seen There are people around the world, different faces different names But there’s one true emotion that reminds me we’re the same Let’s talk about loveFrom the laughter of a child to the tears of a grown man There’s a thread that runs right through us and helps us understand As subtle as a breeze that fans a flicker to a flame From the very first sweet melody to the very last refrainLet’s talk about love Let’s talk about lust Let’s talk about life Let’s talk about trust Let’s talk about loveIt’s the king of all who live and the queen of all good hearts It’s the ace you may keep up your sleeve ’til the name is all but lost As deep as any sea with the rage of any storm But as gentle as a falling leaf on any autumn morn.