Stop the Cycle

grief, healing, Life, men, Mental Health

She always walked with her head down. The bill of her fedora shadowed her face. She dared not make eye contact, nor allow her tears to expose her weakness.

Many of years, she’s worked on this armor. Her pain holds her heart hostage. It prevents opened doors. When the locks are sealed, there’s no way in… or out.

Her family has spent the best part of these past ten years hovering over her. They have perfected relentless psychoanalyses! She cringes at the hint of another inquisitive “How are you doing?”.

She didn’t want to think about what happened. She refused to allow the ugly monster of shame to control her life. The past is the past; and, that’s where she plans it to stay.

That’s a shattered broken soul, abandoned by a man who never really felt, understood, or knew love.

His childhood trauma manifested a rolling ball of anger. As a child, he didn’t understand what was happening; or, if he could do a thing to stop it.

His father beat his mother. When his father wasn’t doing that, he was sitting down at the local bar. There were only a handful of instances when his father wasn’t drunk.

His father was a poor mess, unforgivable and self distructive. Unfortunately, this generational curse only continued.

…. And she no longer could see her own beauty. She no longer had a sense of freedom.

—Nova Namastè

When

Writing

When will it be my turn to

have a world where I’m understood?

When will it be my time to

have a hand to hold?

When will it be my secrets that

Are no longer just my own?

When will this life give me

A soul that longs for mine?

When will destiny lead me

To a safe place to call home?

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Broken & Grieving

Writing

Guys,

” The long time coming ” has arrived, and it’s shaken me to the core. I’ve never felt so alone, hurt, conflicted, scared, and numb as I do right now.

The truth is what’s best for me; but, the truth is causing me the most pain, right now, though. I don’t know what to do with any of this.

A single decision changed everything. I fought so hard to hold on. That was the problem the entire time, my giving and expecting little. It’s exactly how I ended up, empty handed. When I drained myself of all I had, and I felt the emptiness no one in a relationship should feel, what’s left to do?

He doesn’t remember me. I am not loved by him. I’m not valued as equally as his family. I can’t handle that.

The tides are changing again. It’s truly time I put myself first, and for my girls. I’ll never let another relationship feel so one sided again. I’m worth so much more.

Please keep in contact with me. I’m going to need the support.

I need you guys right now 💕

Life, Mental Health, music, Writing

When love hurts, … and the truth is right in your face… You question where the fuck did it come from, and more importantly, how did you miss it? Surely there were signs… or maybe this IS the first “red flag”. It’s brilliant vibrant red… dripping blood from the would he tore wide open… Ass doesn’t even see it.

When you instinctively set your standard, when their reaction is some twisted illusion of what they feel is a “ bigger issue “, making it seem youre the problem… making it seem as if your behavior is the reason why they hurt you… as if you deserve it…

When they tell you to go, they best thing you can do is go. When they tell you this reason or have that reason why they changed their mind to see you… when you feel your stand on a matter was completely disregarded… and you feel his visits are conditioned to his “ term and conditions”…

I know my truths. I know my loyalty to my truth is stronger than my love to a man that has a reason on standby to not come see me…. having gone through this past month as we have…

You give your fuckin silence!!

That’s your power.

You control your life, your silence frees you from all and any of their influence.

You WIN.

Please drop hugs in the comments. Ty💕