Posted in Challenge, finances, Gratitude, grief, healing, holidays, Life, men, Perks, positivity, self care

I GOT YOU!! 😁

knowyourworthownyourlife.com/click-hop-shop-2/

In any situation, a gift card is a fantastic way to express your sentiment! It’s easy to obtain. It provides a variety of redemption locations. It gives the recipient a grand reason to practice self-care. It’s flat, SUPER easy to transport.. AND.. there’s SOOO many of which to choose!

You need anything for a wedding card? I got you! You need a teenage niece’s birthday gift? This is perfect! Did a close friend lose her mom? Grab a gift card for an order in meal!

Don’t Forget:

  • MAY 30th – MEMORIAL DAY
  • JUNE 19th – FATHER’S DAY

Several other “odd” holidays to check out🙂

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Posted in Life

The Price for Loving is Loss💔

Taken from her Grandson, Matt’s InstaStory

Words seem so feeble

in moments like these.

Life is so precious,

and death such a thief.

The depths of your pain

I cannot comprehend,

but I’ll stand alongside you

in the darkness, my friend.

Love is a bond

that death cannot part.

Gone from your arms,

but still held in your heart.

By John Mark Green

Sweet Grandma GB,

I’ve cried all sorts of tears with you, these past 24 months. None have felt so heavy with despair, than these ones right now, .. these that I’m crying alone. You changed so many lives. You saved so many souls. You were light and a complete joy to everyone on TikTok! I know my heart is so very sad. I never wanted this day to come. May you dance in all your badassery on those golden streets. Wear your very favorite pair of shades.

I love you GB,

Brandy

Posted in grief, Life, Mental Health

My Mental Health Journey 19: Suicide

Hello Followers, it’s been several months since I’ve written about my own personal MH journey. Like the each one of you, life is happening for me.

Mostly, I’m that strong woman… The one all the songs inspire others to become. I do what and in ways that I can. I try my best to be an active listener and supportive friend. I “sleep it off”, ” let it go”, and “leave it in yesterday.” I’m not bragging on myself; but, I am. It’s taken me 31 years of the most intense and confusing points in my life to get here. I have to acknowledge the victory.

It wasn’t easy!! I said years ago, ” If I can survive my childhood, I can handle anything.”

So, God forged forward… His plan for my life was packed with hills and valleys, storms and the most beautiful rainbows.

I remember being my daughter’s age and “knowing”, my siblings and I will drastically leave our childhood home in great distress. I was right. I remember being younger than 8, maybe 6-7, and my sister would talk with me. We’d be in such frustration because nothing made sense. These people who just adopted us were now having babies. Our lives of consistent inconsistency became answering every beacon call of a woman who treated us differently than “her own” kids…day in and day out!

Sure, we had what we needed in life: safety, clothes, food, baths, ex. It was the bare minimum… that’s what we 4 oldest learned to accept and expect. As we grew older, we made some real stupid choices. Did we know better? Did we do it anyway? I’d say all the above… because again, we’re kids with little to NO consistent guidance. Nothing of this world made sense. I know teens don’t really understand the world as we adults do; but, they should understand an age appropriate measure.

On a few occasions, my siblings and I would talk about our biological parents… with our adoptive mom. It felt as if someone took their favorite book… cut out two or three sentences of every couple chapters, and stuck them together on some dull coffee stained paper.

When we were old enough to comprehend it, we grieved the loss of our biological mother. How did it happen? When did it happen? Did she not want us? How did she just leave us at a neighbors? The questions were endless… for years… decades… And no matter how many times we revisited the subject, the details never make sense (go figure, right?). The storyline was choppy, and didn’t seem to fall in chronological order. None of it felt like MY story.. where I came from..

Until two nights ago….

And here we’ve arrived at Brandy’s most current mental stated… deeper in the difficult cycle of grief.. AGAIN!!!

Is this due to the pandemic? Nope! With absolute certainty and strong conviction, I can say that. Is this due to financial difficulties, nope. Not having those either (Praise Jesus🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼). Health problems going on? Nada, well, not really.

No, my worst than sucky attitude is the result of a change in “my reality”… learning one single detail within a time period that’s already so difficult. One that really has fucked up my mental health and overall wellness.

My mother chose to give up her parental rights, for a man who had no intention on staying. When he left, she hurt so much. She missed us kids so badly…

She couldn’t take it anymore…

She didn’t know how to stop the pain.

…………………………

She intentionally stepped in front of the bus.

………………………….

Maybe this isn’t my story… it’s hers… ;but, you’ll never understand how much I see the similarities among all our lives and moms.

The struggle with depression has been too real for me.. and for my brothers.

It’s a generation curse, an inheritance that hasn’t made us so lucky.

I’m grieving again. I’m angry again. I question so much again! My ache for my mom.. is stronger than ever. There’s not much I can do about it.

What makes this pill particularly hard to swallow, is my daughter’s dad committed suicide around 07-22- 2015. Another person, who held a huge role in our lives, is gone because they wanted the pain to stop…

Years ago, I was that blond hair little doll, in a simple sundress. I don’t remember her. I don’t remember any of it. I know I want to remember. I know I would soak up every last detail about who I am and that about my roots.

So, right now, I’m working through the stages of grief. I’m in one hella sucky mood; and, I don’t really miss my mom any less.

It’s where I am right now.

Sincerely:

Brandy

Posted in grief, Mental Health

Grief & Mental Health

Hello beautiful people 😀 This afternoon, I’ll be introducing to you some Ted Talks that you could listen to while driving, bike riding, walking, cooking, or cleaning. These talks are aimed at a specifically angle of Mental Health: grief.

Here are some additional videos that I found insightful & informative about mental health.

Posted in Life, Mental Health, Writing

I Got You

I see you

When you’re smile like there’s nothing wrong.

I hear you

When you’re laughing, and saying ” I’m alright”.

I see you

When you’re out with friends and the talk of the table.

I hear you

When you close your eyes; and your dreams speak.

Between the lines that others read,

Is a story all of it’s own.

It’s not hidden, it’s just unrecognizable to most.

But I see it; and I hear it.

It’s not comfortable, it’s distributing to say the least.

But I’ve seen it, and I’ve heard it before…

Because I’ve been there.

I was you.

Posted in Life, Mental Health, Writing

My Mental Health Journey 10

[Biggest Sigh!!]

I realized something about myself, this morning. I’ve NEVER been in the  “immediate” circle of someone who’s had major health issues or experienced a long drawn out suffering death. I’ve had family members die; but, I’m not close to them. I didn’t see any of the “hard” stuff.

I don’t know how to handle what I’m in. I don’t know what to think about it. I know what I have to accept; and, I’m trying my hardest. I know that there’s a possibility that this individual will improve. Right now, that improvement is slow. Every day that passes, I feel like I lived another week.

I’m expecting myself to adapt to this change; and, I’m waiting for this situation to become my new normal. It doesn’t feel like a “good” or “bad” thing, but something that might actually feel easier.

Last night, I thought about conversation. I thought about friendship and support. I thought about what needs said and what I need to hear to feel better. Is that selfish? I don’t know, maybe! Right now, I don’t care. I know that I’m hurting and it sucks.

In my situation, I feel like such comments like ” He’s lucky to have you. You’ve been here for him since the beginning. ”  And.” I am so proud of you for handling this so well. It’s tough but so are you.” Would sound so nice in this situation…. Where I feel worthlessly helpless.               ” Support” is defined (well my definition) as uplifting, active listening to, and emotionally being available for someone. A goal in supporting a friend to make sure they don’t feel alone in the situation. It’s hearing this individual so you understand (to the best of your ability) them. It’s conversing with them about what their thoughts are, how they’re doing, and what ways can you help.  I don’t think that’s selfish to want. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard parallel stories of others lives when I needed a friend to talk to.

 

Ok, that’s exhaustingly deep for my low caffeine and sleep levels. Please keep me and mine in prayer. Thank you!

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Posted in Life, Mental Health, Writing

My Mental Health Journey 7

Some days I’m not going to feel like myself. When half of my soul is not doing well, and hospitalized, how can I possibly feel completely myself.

Being HSP and an Empath, I’m physically capable of ” sensing” what others do. With him, it’s a STRONG pull… And it’s exhausting!

Soulmate is the word our society uses ever so lightly. Marriage vows often define the cost of the wedding, designer of the dress, and signatures on paper… It’s not a sanctified union anymore.

But when you’re someone like me, and you love someone beyond anything understandable to human life, because such is everything most couldn’t ever feel… Then, you sit, and pray like you’ve never prayed before.

I’m not ok today. I’m exhausted. For some time, my life has been chaos… Sickness, hospital visits, puke, bitchy school staff, inconsiderate neighbors, pain in the ass car…

It’s just me dealing with all this. I’m paralyzed to do much, because my anxiety nearly has me consumed to my oversized chair. I may try and sleep.

It’s not what I’d prefer to be doing right now, but the temporary comfort of warmth and coziness would be nice. It’s just me here at home, right now. Though I have many thing I COULD be doing, I don’t want to.

Please continue to pray for my boyfriend. I’m hoping there was little to no damage done and that he is released soon. Thank you.

It’s OK to not be okay, sometimes. Today, I’m not ok.

Posted in Life, Mental Health, Writing

My Mental Health Journey 2

Shared this via @MightyApp and I haven’t recieved the support I needed.

Again, I’m sharing my bits of Mental Health Journey. As much as I advocate for Healthy & Self -Care, I’m human. I’ll have low days, and days when I struggle to feel positive and at peace. Believe it or not, today was one of those days.

Here’s what I posted on the app:

Today’s Sunday, the day most spend with family. My boyfriend had ” brunch” with his. Sounds lovely, right?! It is…
But here’s more of the back story…
I’m not all that included in his family. Part of it is he’s super cautious whom he brings around his children. The other part is he only knows about 5 months of me, from the 2 1/4 years we’ve been together.
He began having seizures last fall. He had a quick surgery, in his temporal lobe… Where the memory bank is located. It seemed once he came out of surgery and back to his life, I’m the one he forgot… Of those who mattered most, anyway.
I’ve struggled BEYOND COMPREHENTION with trying to ” start over and relearn” him.
Anyway, Sundays are suppose to be wonderful days of family, I am trying my hardest to be patient and believe he’ll naturally begin to include me, but today I’m just struggling. I never want him to feel guilty or obligated. I never want sympathy for my life… I just want to belong.. And to belong with him and his family. I want all of us, me and my two, him and his kids.. All of us. It’s what I hope for.
#CheckInWithMe  #heartbreak  #Depression  #Epilepsy#Anxiety  #MightyTogether  #CheckInWithMe  #Grief#Sadness  #sad  #hurting  #tears  #mighty  #Prayer#struggling

Thank you for simply listening!

Posted in healing, Life, Writing

Trauma

The trauma was like lidocaine;

Numbed the feeling of pain.

She walked through the motions,

Without expectations and notion,

To be happy again, or the

Belief this nightmare will end.

One foot followed the other,

One day after another.

Then it happened,

The pain felt less,

She had less mess.

She decided to go out,

Walk out and about.

She met a few friends,

And felt interested again.

Healing process takes time,

Most of all, for the mind.