The certain things in life are few; but, nonetheless, true.
One is, you don’t need a perfect life to be happy.
Secondly, life isn’t perfect; but, there’s plenty of perfect moments.
Additionally, you can have bad days, without having a bad life.
I experienced more joy this December than any previous one. Our elves were funny and delightful, always bringing smiles and warmth to our home. I never dreamed such an imaginative play would do my heart so much good.
But, maybe, I had just forgotten.
I’m thankful that I recognize these precious moments. No matter how sad or depressed I feel, I don’t lose sight of what lifts me up.
The kids are getting so excited! The snow has arrived. The celebration of Jesus’s birth is days away. Here I am, once again, battling depression. I hate it. To be fair, there’s several reasons why I’m feeling down; however, I don’t want to go into it.
Instead, I want to share some yummy recipes I’m intending to try in the coming weeks.
Love is the reason for this holiday! It’s why a Virgin Mary carried a child. It’s why a stranger allowed this poor and fragile couple take shelter in his barn. It’s why Jesus was as selfless, humble, and kind as He was, despite His unfortunate passing. There’s endless examples of love throughout the Bible. There’s endless scriptures, describing its value, necessity, and power.
When we were born, we thought like children. How would children describe love? What would they say about it? I believe the first thing they’d do is tell us how it makes them feel. For example, Olivia would say, “When I feel love, I feel warm.”Jordan might respond, “ When I feel love, I feel happy.”
Another way a child would describe love is through association. They will tell you who loves them! They’ll tell you mommy, Auntie Darla, Nana, Poppy, Uncle Bruce, whomever is in their lives.
They understand love in elementary terms. They understand it by their senses. That’s exactly how we all were, as children. We learned to define things by how it/they made us feel.
I remember my loves throughout my 37 years. I remember feeling “in love” all the time. Haha, I’ll admit, I wasn’t really. I was enjoying this safe adoration of whomever would give it to me. A occasional guy would be worth my investing. Most of them were potential from my lack of love at home.
Additionally, I never developed this feeling of security. I didn’t know what it was, actually. I didn’t know it was a necessity. I never knew I had the capability to create it within myself, until today.
So love is more than we define it. It’s bigger than we imagine it. It’s deeper than any depth we could possibly comprehend. It’s something we all have. It’s something we all give. It’s something timeless, uncontrollable, unconditional, and uncontainable.
It’s humanity that subjects it to anything else, due to what we feel, see, and believe. We screw it up.
Once we realize ourselves; and, we decide it’s time to heal trauma.. We begin seeing it differently. It starts with us. Love starts with us. Our version of love is a reflection of ourselves… Do you like that version?
Are there parts of yourself that need your attention or forgiveness? Can you work through insecurities so that you can allow others to love you? Do you need to unlearn the lies of voices you’ve listened?
Life’s so short. It breaks my heart when I read and see the suffering in our world. I break my own heart when I consider no adult nurtured me to a place when I could flourish.
We’re here. It’s Christmas. We’re wiser and more kind than we were twenty minutes ago. Let’s spend every day forward, creating a love for ourselves.. Because we deserve it.
First, let me show you how God showed himself to me, today. Only but 10 minutes ago, when I decided to share this personal experience with you, did the the gloomy and ugliness of Winter hang around. Suddenly, we have light.. explosion of warmth, serotonin, and beauty.
Roughly two and a half weeks ago, I screwed up my truck. It was already screwed up; but, you know.. it was one of those do the complete job or none at all stupid moments. After a depressing trip to a car center, I returned home with a list of parts that MUST be fixed first. One step forward, leads to two steps back.
Feeling completely defeated, I took to BookFace (If you read this, and think of Dear Momma Tot, you’re my tribe!!). I needed to handle this situation; after all, I created the mess. During this time of parts shopping (my very least favorite type of shopping!!), I decided my girls would start riding the bus. Now, momma bear was hesitant about this because I was concerned about bullying.
After the kids got off the bus, I decided we were going to go to the Dairy Queen. I had my car fixed enough; so , I wanted to go. I was craving their choco fudge. It’s amazing. We hadn’t been there in weeks. It was going to be an extra special treat.
As we tucked out ice cream and hot dogs, I turned left to head back home. This had been the furthest I’ve traveled from my apartment for some time.. I was a bit nervous about it. As I came down one particular street, something came over me. “This is the time to teach the girls about the real meaning of Christmas.” God said.
I heard Him loud and clear. It was so unexpected. The whole experience was surreal. The girls listened tentatively. They asked questions; and, I had answers. I didn’t expect the process to be as smooth and effortless, , accepting and understanding. Calandra said, “So where is Jesus now?” I explained God and Jesus are in heaven. She followed with a list of who she knows that has died.
Kristi Yamaguchi was my favorite ice skater, growing up. Nancy Kerrigan was spot number 2. They danced on ice, gliding and twisting like beautiful snowflakes.
I didn’t ice skate much; but, I did rollerblade. I started with skates, and graduated to the professional wheels. Recently, on TikTok, I watched a few older men enjoy the rink. Oh I was jealous lol. It was then, that I remembered something I’ve recently discovered about myself, that I had forgotten.
I LOVE that feeling of being on that wide open space, free from everything around me. There was an untouchable solitude in swirling through the cool air, while listening to the music.
I’m too old to begin figure skating; but, I am never too old to discover more about me. I may not be on the ice; but, I can watch and admire the beauty of those who are capable.
Honestly, I’m not nearly as cultured in my knowledge of Christmas as I’d like. I plan on reading up on this in the next year. Here’s some great resources that can teach all of us the amazing diversity of this wonderful holiday.
As a writer, and obsessed music addict, I can confidently say, words are my first love. Recently, I explained such an impact they’ve had through my lifetime, via Facebook.
Anyway, as a girl, I excessively wrote. It was my outlet. The pages understood. The stories and emotions I couldn’t carry. The anger and resentment, confusion, sadness.. Flooded the pages of locked journal, after notebook, after diary, and on.
Sometimes, I’d sit and reread the filled pages. I remember thanking God for getting me through so much tough stuff. I remember feeling my self- awareness and growth.
The majority of my abuse, came from my adoptive mother. There’d rarely been a time when I felt her approval. Honestly, even less were the times when I heard it… You say all parents are like that! Maybe.. but, this is mine .. And this is me.. As a Highly Sensitive Child.
Packed with days of writing, my childhood would, also, show you my love for music. The magic of words and melodies danced through my lonely days. They pulled me in, erasing everything else in my world. I could breathe again. I could understand myself. I could cry with relief. In those extended two and half minutes, I was free.
And the songs.. became me…
They and I fused into one single being.
Now that I’ve taken care of my mind; and, I’ve allowed myself to heal from some wounds, I listen differently.
I listen to the artist. I listen with empathy. I listen with an openness and compassion. The voices I hear, they’re people. They’re human beings. They cry, feel, hurt, and write.. Just like me. Except,.. They publish their innermost intimate thoughts out into existence.
They are people.. who voluntarily drop the protection and security.. leaving themselves vulnerable to the entire world. Can you imagine what they feel when they hear feedback from fans.. And it’s less than supportive…
To write is to leave a permanent piece of yourself in your path. To read.. And to listen…. It’s too be privileged in the receiving.. Because they’re not just words.
They’re life.. And they carry meaning.. In someone’s story.
This Christmas, listen between the nonsense and commercialization. Others are saying things that need to be heard. Songs are telling us what we may have lost sight.
Keep your heart open.. and allow the melodious holiday to free you, even if for a few minutes.
It’s been an adventure. Here is Miss Stella and Miss Glitter
Welcomed Back with little treats for Zivah & Calandra.
After that, these two ornery elfettes ended up in our Advent tree because ” The Floor is Lava “! It’s a game most kids are playing, these days.
After a weekend of quiet, these two sprung back up Sunday afternoon to a game of Elf twister. You’ve best believe that was a site! All kinds of hooting, hollaring, and carrying on. The girls returned home to witness the end result of that game.
While the house was quiet, the girls were at school, and these Elfettes were at it again. They knew Calandra was going to be a bit more excited to color; but, they had two copies of every sheet.
And then, we have this morning… Well… see for yourself 🤪🤪🙈 They are an unpredictable duo, I must say! They found my bows, and decided to ride the upside down Merry -Go- Round. Oh goodness, I forgot to tell you.. the girls found them sitting on the couch, on the phone with Santa!! Can you believe it?
These two are so delightful! My Calandra hasn’t stopped talking about them since they arrived! Zivah has been lovely surprised, too.