I can’t begin to emphasize the value of this simple phrase. Every single relationship needs this in order to grow!
Unfortunately, so many of us don’t have it!! If you are anything like me, you’ve delt with this frustrating lack of acknowledgement.
What do I mean? How is acknowledgment involved in the confrontation process? I would express my thoughts; and, it would fall on deaf ears. They might have heard me…;but, they were not listening! Oh noooo!! Instead, they were formulating their version of what happened.. righteously, justifying how their behavior wasn’t wrong.. They were defensive and argumentitive. They’d interrupt me while I explained. They were doing everything but LISTENING TO me.
Is it their fault? YES…. HOWEVER, Here’s my thoughts! When one feels a need to defend him/herself, it’s due to behavior stemmed from ridicule as a child. They received little to no acknowledgement of their thoughts and opinions from the adults in their lives. They grew up without acceptance. They didn’t have conversations where they felt heard. They might not even understand that all of this is ” a thing”.. An important component to maturity and adulthood.
In other words; they behave in accordance to what they know: no conflict resolution skills are available; and, there’s no solutions anyway.
Sadly, the catastrophic sharp words, disrespect, and growing anger cycle continues as long as we let it.
Today, I’m going to try and brake that chain.
FIRST: Your feelings matter.
AND {here’s the tough part} the thoughts, ideas, and opinions of those in your life.. matter too. Regardless of how YOU feel about THEIRS, they are valid.. And they are real to them.You will never have the authority to say what or how they feel.
So what is the answer? Maybe give this a try.
- The first step to reconciliation is actively listen.
- Verbalize that you acknowledge and hear what he/she has said.
- Repeat what you heard the other person say.
- Then, decide on a resolution that works for the both of you.
You’d also be surprised with how quickly a situation diffuses once someone feels heard. Not only, will the situation “soften”; but also, it will use time for effectively. The omission of unnecessary gabber opens up space for understanding.
I can tell you, it took me a great deal of my adult life to feel comfortable with confrontation. I would always run (literally!!) from it… Every day is a chance to do better. Every second is a choice to be better.
Respect.. Communication.. Acknowledgement… Acceptance… These elements develope through healthy childhoods. They develop through practice. patience… And love…
So when someone tells you how they feel, listen, accept, and acknowledge it. It’s real to him or her. Respect that.. And try to find a solution so it doesn’t keep happening.
Here’s to a healthier year 🙂
Starlight Magnolia Stories 