Category Archives: Life

Oh no… When Bae Tells You They Finished All The Coffee

Someone… anyone telling me they finished the coffee! Haha! Look out😂😂😂😂

Nighttime Notes

* It’s OK to not be OK.

* I’m thankful for moment of true clarity and insight.

* Always check alcohol content percentage of wine before purchasing.

* Sex trafficking is a f***ed up way to live!

* I don’t want to be alone tonight; but, I’ll make sure my daughters never feel lonely.

*Being their mother is the best gift I’ve ever been given.

* Decluttering feels awesome.

* Time changes everything, and life must go on.

* I’m proud of myself for putting a stop to someone’s disrespect.

* I hope I’m in better spirits tomorrow. Being an empath, I laughed until I cried this morning, and tonight…. Grief is all too familiar.

Good Night Readers.

I hope you had a wonderful day.

You are worthy of Love💗 A New Report Shows How Much The Rate Of Death By Suicide Has Risen In The U.S.




This unfortunate, gruesome, heart-throbbing, and instantaneously devastating event occurs: my heart breaks. I have the dark black massive scary monsterous cloud shadow me..

I’ve been in a position in life, with suicidal tendencies. I chose to LIVE!

For countless others, living didn’t seem worth it. 💔 SINCE the day I began my life, (years after birth, but too private and painful to elaborate on.) I’ve met many people who have attempted it… And failed. They were men…

In 2014, just barely a shy of a week post my birthday, suicide killed apart of me.. Taking a man who I needed, but more importantly, OUR daughter needed.

To blame in this situation is pointless, but oh there’s lots of that. It’s easier, focusing on the anger that takes place in the grieving stages. What’s REALLY the root of our anger though? Their “selfishness”? Our “selfishness” because we no longer have them and our lives are no longer comfortable? Their lack of “effort to seek help”? Our “lack of effort” in giving our time to listen and enjoy them? I don’t think there’s ever one reason… And really, none of them will change what’s happened.

At my husband’s funeral, I was in a trance. My eyes hurt, my anxiety was off the charts… and what did I have? A toddler, a dead husband, and a hate fan club with 1500 members and growing. Blaming me for his death, many who knew my husband judged me. It felt horrific. I needed loved. I needed empathy. I needed to feel I was going to be ok.

I had to recover on my own. No one could do it for me, no matter what was or wasn’t said unsaid did or not done. It was MY life… my mental health. I was a mother. She needed to see life was still ok. She needed her childhood, her innocence.

Depression and anxiety, loss and grief, pain and emotions are almost forbidden in “most” men at a very early age. It’s not manly to cry.. it’s a sign of weakness. The military trains the mind to break, and rebuild with a sense of inhumanity…. War… PTSD Veterans come home and try their damndest to return to normality. And they struggle… and struggle… some with homelessness… and hunger… and no financial stability… with flashbacks that rob them of sleep… and anxiety attacks that mutilate their sense of peace…

Single men have no health insurance, many with child support bills, and jobs that don’t pay shit. That’s reality for some men in America… that’s terrible!

The statistics in this article aren’t shocking if we sit and think about the set up of this country. They’re not shocking if we sit and consider every mass shooting in our lifetime. Mental health is a serious issue in this country. Duh, we see it (if we choose too)…

Writing up articles are bringing the little voices in our hearts to front and center, ruffling feathers of comfort for those who look the other way….

BUT, …. what does it solve? Is that not the goal, to bring awareness and take action? The Dr in this particular article was spot on. I admired his blunt honesty. He said empathize! He said we need to communicate with each other and listen to what’s being said. Sometimes, individuals just want to know they’re not invisible, left with a mountain of shit on their backs to carry for all of eternity.

It’s time my friends, to make change to our world. We’re killing each other and we’re killing ourselves. We’re killing innocent children, who rely on us for protection. We’re killing the hope in humanity, and the beauty of living. It’s time for you and me to stop that … to decide today, that we’re not going to contribute any longer to the insanity whirlwind that’s taken so many of our loved ones. It’s time we choose to Love again!! Open your heart to someone… break the chains weighing you down by entrusting someone with your burdens… because I can promise you, you won’t be a burden to them. And to others, Open your heart to listen… and to hug someone. They NEED human contact! They’re carrying around too much… you just may save their life!!


I have a blog, entitled Lost & Found, Written precisely about this subject. It’s carrying my heart of when my husband died. I hope all I’ve written helps you… and that

EACH of YOU know I’m here…. if you need someone to talk to.


With Much Much Love,


“Live Your Dreams”- Reflection



Live your Dreams!


What dreams do I have? Have I ever really thought about this? No, I don’t think often, if much at all. Sure, I’ve made goals… but, are those dreams? They’ve been short-term. New Years resolutions is probably a more accurate description. The long-term goals, any of those? Not many of those until recently, as a matter of fact. Is this sad? I don’t know. So, I guess I don’t quite understand the feeling of “living my dream”.

I do know I hadn’t been raised with such a virtue. Often times, I thought about life after “The Merryman House”… and gasped at how utterly fucked-up and irresponsibility unprepared I was going to be. There were many concepts and nightmares I know I didn’t want to continue. I knew I had a great deal of fear of failure… so much so that I simply didn’t try. Disappointing my parents, myself, and trying to breathe through the aftermath wasn’t my cup of tea… and that aura feasted on that house.

So, what is it to “dream”, really? Is this the ideal life you’d want in a certain amount of time? Is it a career or position in a job you absolutely love? The perfect family? A big house with wrap-around porch, spiral staircase, country atmosphere, southern welcome, white picket fence aligned with gorgeous Hydrangea bushes, Daffodils, Azaleas, and moonlight blooms? Does one live rather than sit in hesitation, losing time, opportunities, and experiences?

When you live your dreams, no one can tell you you’re wrong or right because they’re yours. As early in life as possible, you are allowed to decide what your dreams are, how you wish and/or if you wish to fulfill them. In my beliefs, the biggest importance, though, is to remain respectful of others. Our dreams are as differently beautiful as we are from one another. Who are we to ever criticize and condemn what one wishes for his/her life. Will life turn out as according to plan? Will we all stumble and fall? Will we fail and hurt our confidence? We sure will… but, aren’t we all worth a third, fourth, twenty-second try? Won’t we all be in a similar position at some point in time, if not we have been already.

It’s never too early to begin dreaming, planning how you’d like your life to be. It’s never out of your reach, that life. You’re never unworthy of your heart’s desires. You’re also perfectly capable of achieving them. Along your journey, I hope to have encouraged you, to lift up another… because we simply can’t live without one another.

Hope for the Broken-hearted

Siblings found chained in backyard in 2016 celebrate adoption
— Read on

There’s many a story with gut-wrenching endings at our access. This one, however, turned quite glorious! My four siblings and I were adopted, at young ages. We grew up trying to understand and accept what we couldn’t control. I still struggle with abandonment issues; but, I’m hopeful. These children are smiling despite their adversity. My heart smiles at the thought of their futures with their new family😍😍

More Than Listening

Effective Communication is an art in modern day society. We hear tons of “talk” ;but, what do we hear? Do we hear anything? I have always wanted to teach a class in communication so others learned what I have , thus bettering all of us. I feel this article to be incredibly insightful! It talks about the different Subareas and describes them in detail. To be a leader, we must first be students… to be a leader, we must know how to actively communicate 💕


❤️ Let that sink in, for a minute.

You don’t know when it’s “your time”.

In fact, you started dying just moments after you were born. Every second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year up till, “now”, was always “right now”… You didn’t see it as “yesterday”, because you don’t live in it. You don’t see it as tomorrow because you don’t live there either. You are right now… And so, what will you do with this “now”? It’s all you have. Never two measurements of time can be lived twice… And one moment of time will end every next “now”…. Your life is right now…. Dear ones, it’s all you will absolutely have… Make it count.




L = Listening to understand

Learning to compromise

Letting your guard down

Loading up days with commitment

And effort.

O = Offering emotional, physical, and

Financial support.

Opening your heart to be vulnerable and real.

Occupying yourself alone when boo is busy.

Optimizing the strengths of one another.

V = Visiting mistakes to learn and change.

Vacating behavior that jeopardizes solidarity.

Verbalizing your thoughts feelings and emotions.

Visualizing future plans with this individual

E = Encouraging one another to be your best selves.

Ending arguments with a hug and kiss

Engaging in mature conflict and resolution practice

Envisioning a life that’s best for the one your with

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”

– Eleanor Roosevelt

World of Difference

💭World of Difference

I believe the sequence of events in my life has lead me to right where I am. The right decisions, the poor choices, hard consequences, every small victory, broken relationship, and road block. My past, well equipped with both successful and failed moments, is how I am here today.

…. No matter what, I’d never change any of it if it were possible!…

HOWEVER,…. My power gifted by God himself, is that of choice. Maybe I couldn’t decide, at 5, whether or not my mother would die. At 13, I wasn’t able to decide for myself how I needed to handle the family turmoil I was experiencing.

In those moments, though, God was trying to teach me… Listen Brandy. There are reasons why these things are happening. Listen my child, I’m trying to show you, listen, so you understand my heart… And my love for you.

Now that I’m old enough to decide much more for myself, I realize the lesson I didn’t hear before. Listening, especially in situations of which we can’t control… In situations of which we don’t get to decide, is what we must do… So we understand!

Let me explain further. Today, I live my relationship where I’ve chosen to walk a long, rocky, lonely, uncertain road…where fear can easily swallow me up and steal my sense of sanity. It’s my choice to face this situation because this LOVE is worth it. I’ve chosen this path because He’s who I’ve been searching for all my life. I get to decide if I cry in fear, rant in rage, or laugh when I see him.

While I can’t change how long this goes on, when he visits, what details I am told, In all the moments when “I can’t”…. I sit… And I listen… To understand. Those moments, in silence, is when I hear his heart… His love.. His love for me and his intentions… I hear his wisdom. I hear his pain.. I accept his imperfections and beautiful flaws. I allow another life to impact mine… I give this gift of time… and I demonstrate that He’s valued… what he tells me is important and I understand him. Through listening, I silence all my selfish thoughts about myself, and I redirect my focus to him. I intentionally focus on what he’s saying or not saying, doing and not doing, so I better understand him… because he matters… and I want him to know he matters to me.

Because I have accepted I don’t always get to control every aspect of my life, I’ve been blessed by the gifts of others. I’ve been blessed with moments of divine wisdom from others teachings. I’ve been able to deepen relationships, strength my appreciation of adversity and embrace the beauty of Difference. I’ve been able to laugh from the soul, cry with relief, and provide encouragement when needed.

With that being said, my point is this, I’d never change anything that lead me to right now… But, I’d teach others to quietly sit, with a desired sense to authentically and openingly listen… To ourselves.. To God… To nature…to others… The birds, wind, children laughing… Everything….

There’s so much more to this world…. There’s so many more in this world… Than ourselves. When we truly embrace that, we become a better version of ourselves without even realizing it. If we all began with bettering ourselves, as ironically as it sounds, we better life for everyone else…

When the Day is Done

When the day is done, momma, and you just collapse from it all; it’s ok.

You’ve just spent another 24 hours feeding, changing, chasing, teaching, loving, leading little lives down the road of May 16, 2018.

God knows it takes mighty strength to do it again and again. Up early, preparing meals, arranging appointments, day care, and extra attention when littles are sick. Only you momma are capable of all this requires.

The nurturing spirit, the arms around your neck. When your babies smile at you, or they snuggle next to you, as you settle in before bed. Those are the moments you’ll remember.

So sob if you need too, soak in a bubble bath. Grab your delicious favorite wine… let out the biggest sigh as you sit down… even for just a few minutes, … do what you need to do… do it for you…

because you kicked ass again today momma, and it’s ok to feel otherwise too!