Entry May 20th

Dear Sweet Lady,

Being triggered is ok. It’s not anything of which you should be ashamed. What happened was a result of quick judgement and poor communication on both their parts.

Her gaslighting, you “need more attention than Caitlin and I can give you.” stems from issues within herself.

Early on, you noticed she ran the show. She was in constant control of any and all conversation. There was no swaying off course…zero redirecting OF ANY KIND… BY ANYONE. It wasn’t going to happen. You noticed the constant chaos and consistent focus on that chaos. It was mentally draining!

In the madness, you believe in finding the silver-lining. You always have! You find the good. You always have. Regardless of what mental health issues you have, you’ve always had the strength to hold on to Faith! That’s the energy of your aura. That’s the type of energy that serves you and your greater good. That was not what you were experiencing in that group… talking to them.

I’m proud of you for stepping up for yourself on her live. Passive aggression is unnecessary when two grown adults can simply talk stuff out. Regardless of you take everything personally, you’re capable of understanding alternative perspectives, acknowledging thoughts/feelings, and communicating to a solution.

I’m so sorry you were triggered. I know you panicked, immediately transforming into flight mode… looking for safe shelter. It’s your coping mechanism you’ve practiced since you were eight.

Sweet precious younger Brandy, your home and entire apartment IS your safe space. There’s influences at every angle; but, you’re stronger than your fear. Just yesterday, rather than sitting in a mind-swirl baked in anger, you grabbed ahold of something absolute… SHE WAS GASLIGHTING YOU.

There will always be broken people. There will be moments when you freak out and flee.. Your emotions are SOOOO big. They’re valid and your’s to feel. No one can tell you differently. No one can tell you anything about them, and it be factual. They are yours. They are yours to do with as you wish.

If someone gets upset with you, it’s a high possibility they are misunderstanding and don’t care to believe differently. You’re not too much. You don’t require huge amount of time. You don’t get “butt-hurt”… but, you also don’t feel a group is a leader and all her minions, even in that case, mingling should happen. Conversation about something besides people’s trauma should be had in a group.. especially if it’s not like work or professional therapy.

Take care of your heart ♥️ It’s big and beautiful! Your sensitivity doesn’t make you “too much”. You’re perfectly crafted the way God made you.

I love you!

Me

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