Posted in Life

Now

❤️ Let that sink in, for a minute.

You don’t know when it’s “your time”.

In fact, you started dying just moments after you were born. Every second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year up till, “now”, was always “right now”… You didn’t see it as “yesterday”, because you don’t live in it. You don’t see it as tomorrow because you don’t live there either. You are right now… And so, what will you do with this “now”? It’s all you have. Never two measurements of time can be lived twice… And one moment of time will end every next “now”…. Your life is right now…. Dear ones, it’s all you will absolutely have… Make it count.

Posted in Writing

Lost & Found

Finish the Story:

” I felt lost but also didn’t want to be found.” she wrote in her journal. She, then, closed the book and looked up

and glanced at the framed picture of herself, with Max, she had hung on the wall. Four years has passed since that horrific July night; but, Laura felt every minute of it as if it were just yesterday. What if she had paid a bit closer attention? What if she had picked up that call when he tried reaching her? What if she made a little more time being in the moments that she spent with her best friend. Would she have heard his pain? Would she have seen the truth in his eyes and behind his constant radiant smile?

Continue reading “Lost & Found”

Posted in Life, positivity

L.o.v.e

 

Love:

L = Listening to understand

Learning to compromise

Letting your guard down

Loading up days with commitment

And effort.

O = Offering emotional, physical, and

Financial support.

Opening your heart to be vulnerable and real.

Occupying yourself alone when boo is busy.

Optimizing the strengths of one another.

V = Visiting mistakes to learn and change.

Vacating behavior that jeopardizes solidarity.

Verbalizing your thoughts feelings and emotions.

Visualizing future plans with this individual

E = Encouraging one another to be your best selves.

Ending arguments with a hug and kiss

Engaging in mature conflict and resolution practice

Envisioning a life that’s best for the one your with

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”

– Eleanor Roosevelt

Posted in Life

World of Difference

💭World of Difference

I believe the sequence of events in my life has lead me to right where I am. The right decisions, the poor choices, hard consequences, every small victory, broken relationship, and road block. My past, well equipped with both successful and failed moments, is how I am here today.

…. No matter what, I’d never change any of it if it were possible!…

HOWEVER,…. My power gifted by God himself, is that of choice. Maybe I couldn’t decide, at 5, whether or not my mother would die. At 13, I wasn’t able to decide for myself how I needed to handle the family turmoil I was experiencing.

In those moments, though, God was trying to teach me… Listen Brandy. There are reasons why these things are happening. Listen my child, I’m trying to show you, listen, so you understand my heart… And my love for you.

Now that I’m old enough to decide much more for myself, I realize the lesson I didn’t hear before. Listening, especially in situations of which we can’t control… In situations of which we don’t get to decide, is what we must do… So we understand!

Let me explain further. Today, I live my relationship where I’ve chosen to walk a long, rocky, lonely, uncertain road…where fear can easily swallow me up and steal my sense of sanity. It’s my choice to face this situation because this LOVE is worth it. I’ve chosen this path because He’s who I’ve been searching for all my life. I get to decide if I cry in fear, rant in rage, or laugh when I see him.

While I can’t change how long this goes on, when he visits, what details I am told, In all the moments when “I can’t”…. I sit… And I listen… To understand. Those moments, in silence, is when I hear his heart… His love.. His love for me and his intentions… I hear his wisdom. I hear his pain.. I accept his imperfections and beautiful flaws. I allow another life to impact mine… I give this gift of time… and I demonstrate that He’s valued… what he tells me is important and I understand him. Through listening, I silence all my selfish thoughts about myself, and I redirect my focus to him. I intentionally focus on what he’s saying or not saying, doing and not doing, so I better understand him… because he matters… and I want him to know he matters to me.

Because I have accepted I don’t always get to control every aspect of my life, I’ve been blessed by the gifts of others. I’ve been blessed with moments of divine wisdom from others teachings. I’ve been able to deepen relationships, strength my appreciation of adversity and embrace the beauty of Difference. I’ve been able to laugh from the soul, cry with relief, and provide encouragement when needed.

With that being said, my point is this, I’d never change anything that lead me to right now… But, I’d teach others to quietly sit, with a desired sense to authentically and openingly listen… To ourselves.. To God… To nature…to others… The birds, wind, children laughing… Everything….

There’s so much more to this world…. There’s so many more in this world… Than ourselves. When we truly embrace that, we become a better version of ourselves without even realizing it. If we all began with bettering ourselves, as ironically as it sounds, we better life for everyone else…

Posted in Life

When the Day is Done

When the day is done, momma, and you just collapse from it all; it’s ok.

You’ve just spent another 24 hours feeding, changing, chasing, teaching, loving, leading little lives down the road of May 16, 2018.

God knows it takes mighty strength to do it again and again. Up early, preparing meals, arranging appointments, day care, and extra attention when littles are sick. Only you momma are capable of all this requires.

The nurturing spirit, the arms around your neck. When your babies smile at you, or they snuggle next to you, as you settle in before bed. Those are the moments you’ll remember.

So sob if you need too, soak in a bubble bath. Grab your delicious favorite wine… let out the biggest sigh as you sit down… even for just a few minutes, … do what you need to do… do it for you…

because you kicked ass again today momma, and it’s ok to feel otherwise too!

Posted in Uncategorized

Letter to My Momma💗

Dear Momma:

Happy Mother’s Day Darling! It’s so incomprehensible that I am older than you were when you passed away. It’s not fair. I’ve needed you dozens upon dozens of time over the last five years… But, life isn’t fair.

Though you’re not here, I feel you live through me. I am your only daughter with children of her own. Zivah was born 5 years ago, and she’s named after you. Calandra was born 2 years ago, and she’s compassionate beyond a normal person.

Many times I question if I’m doing this Mothering right. I question if I’m too strict. I question if I’m too Lenient. I worry every second that I’m not allowing them to simply be children. Am I robbing them of their childhood? All these questions answered, the reassurance that I’m doing a good job, a tight hug simply because that mends all wounds would surely feel incredible.

I’m sorry you’re not here momma. I’m sorry that someone wasn’t paying attention and hit you. I’m sorry if you felt any pain… or if you feared dying. I’m sorry if you felt alone and lonely… I know you often felt similar feelings with 5 young kids.

Momma, I wish I could squeeze you and tell you thank you. Thank you for trying. Thank you for not aborting my siblings or me. Thank you for loving me enough to give me up. Thank you for giving me a unique spelling of my name, and for doing the same to my siblings. I’d say Thank you for doing the very best you could with what you had, where you were.

I would look at you and say I know you wanted to give up. I know you wanted to escape to the bathroom and just sob, because I’ve felt just that. I would tell you I love you so much because mothering two little kids is a challenge, I can’t begin to imagine five hungry babies with wet diapers. You are my hero.

This Mother’s Day, I want you to know that I admire, love, and am so proud of you momma. Despite every challenge you faced, you kept going… and despite your decision to move to VA, and what your intentions were, you believed we children deserved more.

Momma, you understood sacrifice… and that’s what motherhood is all about. Please watch over my sanity momma, I tend to lose it once in a while. Please watch over my babies, your gorgeous granddaughters, I ache for them to know you. I love you endlessly momma, and you are my hero always!

Sincerely,

Your Beloved Daughter

Posted in Writing

Tumbling

Story Starters

His heart was racing, at least a million times per second. His entire body felt like it was covered with a six foot layer of cement. As he reached out to grab ahold of something, anything, his hands flapped wildly. There wasn’t anything to touch. There wasn’t anywhere. He struggled to breathe, anxiety and the unknown stole his ability to calm his mild.

Every wild Friday night in the country, by the river… Drinking Hennessy and playing to close to the fire.. Every fight he had with his stepfather, about the abuse his mother took, every cigarette break, in the ally behind the tavern. All the moment he screamed from his surpassed anger, inflamed rage, and vulnerable broken heart flashed before his eyes.

” What on earth is this nonsense?”, he asked himself. ” How did I get here, and where am I going?.”

“This fall has to stop eventually”, he continued, ” but when and where?”

Everest was a strong and resilient young man. He had just celebrated his 25th birthday a few days ago, and that’s the last thing he remembered.